self-soothe weekend

So on Friday when I was sitting down with my boss and having a conversation with her it was also brought up about the possibility of changing up my job. At first I was extremely scared that I had done something terribly wrong, then I was worried that they didn’t want me to be a part of the ‘team’ anymore (hello BPD paranoia) and eventually I asked her the simple question of ‘Why Me?’ and now I won’t get into her answer because a) I don’t want too much about my job on here and b) because there was a lot that was said that meant a lot to me that I want to keep to myself but needless to say I left work on Friday with a LOT to think about and process. Nothing is set in stone with my job but it is something she wanted to know was on the table and for me to think about.

On Saturday I chose to do something VERY out of the norm for me – I went to the local diner and had breakfast all by MYSELF. I have huge food issues and always feel like people are judging me. I brought along the book ‘The Art of Happiness’ by HH Dalai Lama & Howard C Cutler to read as I enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and some eggs benedict. I have only done this ONE other time and that was MONTHS ago and I want to try and break out of my comfort zone when it comes to food and I am slowly making this progress.

I spent most of the weekend thinking about the convo I had with my boss and how I feel about the possibility of not doing the job I do right now – mixed emotions but 6 months ago it would have sent me down a terrible downward spiral of thoughts that I wasn’t good enough, that they hated me, that I didn’t belong…but I was able to actually look at it objectively and I think whatever the final decision is will be the right one. My boss hired me and I know she trusts in my hard work, dedication and almost insane attention to detail and if she thinks that the move is what is best for where we work AND for me? I trust her 100%.

I did however get some painting done this weekend mixed in with watching season 1 of American Horror Story on Netflix. First off: American Horror Story? that show is FUCKED on so many levels but I will say that it seriously kept my interest and sometimes when I watched it, it almost felt like I was watching a movie. The production value on that show is amazing and I typically shy away from blood and gore (although a psychological thriller is one of  my favorites to watch) this was very well done. Now I hope Netflix puts up season 2 soon. It’s one of the few downfalls of not having cable lol. As for my painting – I found myself a little uninspired until today (I am doing my best to not force the creative juices) and eventually I got this idea for a tree on top of a hill with long flowing branches that almost look like hearts on the end. It’s got this pretty dark blue and purple sky with white and yellow stars – and eventually I hope to put one shooting star in there. I might get brave and show you what I have done once I get a little more done with it. It has potential to be good but the inspiration has dissipated so I am leaving it be until the urge strikes again. I must have worked on it for 4 or so hours today (watercolor and acrylic) so I am pretty impressed with myself.

I just got done doing laundry so I am gonna relax on the couch and watch an ep of It’s Always Sunny and crash for the night. Until tomorrow…



2 thoughts on “self-soothe weekend

  1. “American Horror Story? that show is FUCKED on so many levels but I will say that it seriously kept my interest” My thoughts exactly! Aside all the weird and psycho stuff is probably one of my favorite shows in tv right now.

    • I haven’t seen any of season 2 yet but I love how it keeps your interest, how it makes you question and think 🙂 I tend to be drawn to that kind of stuff. I’ve heard season 2 is better than 1 – have you seen any of season 2?

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