communication? what is that?

So I left work early to go to what SHOULD have been my last group. I get there to find out that Dr F had a “miscommunication” with me and she didn’t think I was going to be able to make it today so she scheduled something else. Now explain to me how I am the ONLY member of this group? So I still have ONE “group” session left but everyone else has dropped out so I guess I am not seeing the point. E and I are going to have to talk about it tomorrow.

So we heard from M who let us know her primary care doc won’t let her back until “POSSIBLY” NEXT Tuesday. We were all hoping she was going to be back (at least half days) starting tomorrow. SIGH. I know this is what is best and I know MM, JS and I are able to handle it but still it sucks. I know M feels bad – I know she is so worried about her job, worried about not pulling her weight and when I had to have emergency surgery earlier this year and had to be out I worried about the SAME things so I totally get it. I wish there was something I could say to somehow make things easier on her, to make her understand that her job is safe.

Thankfully today was a lot quieter so I felt like I actually got to catch up on stuff – I FEAR for the rest of the week but what can ya do? You have to just roll with the punches, constantly tell each other how much we appreciate all the work we all do and how awesome we are and vent when we need to, cry if we must and just get the work done. This isn’t the first time we’ve been short staffed and I am sure it won’t be the last time – what I simply LOVE and ADORE that group of girls I work with. I certainly wouldn’t be on the crazy train without them. They brighten up my days, cheer me up during my breakdowns and make me feel like a better person.

I worked out this morning, it had been a few days, so it felt good to be back on my bike and burning calories – I will be back on it tomorrow morning as well. I never used to like working out (and to be honest I still don’t) but I DO like how I feel after I workout, shower and then go to work. It almost gears me up for the day and I enjoy it.

Tonight’s meditation:

Enjoy the Adventure

It was a cold night in Sedona, Arizona. An unexpected snowstorm had passed through the usually warm city, dumping several inches of snow in a short time. The electricity was off. The cabin I was staying in was freezing.

Great, I thought. I get to spend my last evening in Sedona fighting off hypothermia alone in the dark. I put on a heavy sweater, then wrapped myself in a blanket, trudged to a phone booth, and called a friend to complain.

“Change your perspective,” he said. “Pretend you’re four years old. Get your flashlight. Then make a tent in your bed out of all the pillows and blankets you can find. Enjoy the adventure!”

At first I balked, then decided to try this idea. I made the tent. Bundled up. My complaints quickly turned to memories of what it was like to be a child, to play with life, to play with all the experiences life brings. Soon I fell asleep.

When I awoke in the morning, the heat was back on. The lights had returned. The snow had stopped falling. Capped in a frosty layer of white, the breathtaking city of rust-iron mesas looked like a wonderland. I had learned another lesson, practical and simple.

Change your perspective and enjoy the adventure. Let the child in you come out and play.

Taken from ‘Journey from the Heart’

Well how fitting is this today?? Seriously.

Instead of being upset about group being cancelled again I get to be home, watching Ruby play with a battery. Purring and playing. I get to enjoy the beautiful sunshine and warmth sitting in my chair with the windows open. My initial reactions are ALWAYS emotional – I am working so hard at trying to curb it. Dr F wants me to still go to another one even though it would just be a one-on-one session and I think I need to talk with E about it. I have a therapist and the reason I agreed to do the “group” was to keep the skills in mind, to be around other people who have similar issues in the workplace and how they handle it – I’m not saying this was a complete waste of my time but in some ways it does FEEL like it. At this point I DO need to think of my work and the girls I work with – especially with no idea when M is going to be cleared to come back. I will probably end up giving my 4/26 day off back and that is okay – it’s a sacrifice that is needed and I can always take another day off down the road, this was just a random Friday off so I could have a 3 day weekend…not the end of the world. There is a lesson to be learned in every turn of the journey and I just have to remember that the journey doesn’t end, there may be roadblocks, there may be dips, hills and even a few cliffs but I can learn something each time I come across them and learn to continue on my path.

With this group I have learned to appreciate the other group I was in, what I got from it, what I took away from it, what it meant to have a little more structure and to be held accountable for my actions and to take my recovery seriously. It’s not always easy to SEE this right away – took me some time…but I am there. Instead of taking the highway home I went the back way, blaring my Grace Potter & the Nocturnals music, my windows down and breathing in the fresh air – I wouldn’t have done that after group. It was a mini adventure.

Today I learned I am allergic to medical tape (Ruby cut the bejesus out of my arm and so I cleaned it up and used tape to hold down the sterile pad on it. It was hilarious my entire arm was white and itchy – you could see the outline of the tape imprinted on my arm LOL…kinda funny.

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