Man oh man does my apartment need to be scrubbed down and cleaned.
When I am depressed or stressed cleaning is the last thing I worry about but when I am finally in the right head space I find myself completely overwhelmed all over again when I realize how much cleaning I need to do. You’d think since I have a pretty small apartment and I live by myself that it couldn’t get THAT messy but believe me it can and does get that messy.
Tomorrow before I head off to my friend S’s I will do the dishes and take out the trash and get myself organized. I love my apartment – I have never lived on my own before and this is the perfect space for me – there is an art nook and I am on the top floor of this old Victorian house…I walked in and KNEW it had to be mine. Nobody in my biological family seems to understand the appeal of me living here – my sister keeps trying to convince me to move back home and “how could I give up living in a house with a fireplace” but the truth is my childhood home holds a lot of shitty memories for me and frankly I don’t think I could have made it this far on my recovery path if I was still living there. I get to come home every single night to a place I love, to a place I decorated, to a place where I feel safe…I can’t ask for more then that.
I am trying so hard to keep my eyes open right now as I type this…I am so ready for bed but I still want to get more done so that way tomorrow I am not overwhelmed with crap. There was a moment today where I just felt completely at peace with where I am at – it is hard to describe in words but I felt whole. I will have to meditate on it a bit and write more at another time.
For now I leave you with tonight’s meditation:
Open yourself to the wealth of the universe
We all have sources we turn to for support. We may turn to special people in our lives – family members, friends, a lover. We may turn to nature – the mountains, trees, oceans, rivers, sun, moon, and stars. But we no longer have to limit ourselves to just one person, one source for love, energy, comfort, and guidance.
Certain people come into our lives for a short while to help us through particular times. Other people come to stay for a longer time. Sometimes we love people and are so deeply committed to them that they will be sources of energy and love for us, and we for them, for most of our lives. That’s good. That’s how it should be.
But while it’s good to have people who are special sources of support for us, allowing one person to be our sole support can mean trouble. We may begin to drain that person. We may become overly dependent. He or she may move away from us. Or we may become angry, as we usually do, at whomever or whatever we are dependent on. For many reasons, we may find ourselves in conflict with the one we have deemed our source. Something may happen that causes our source to no longer be available to us. Its important to be conscious of what our needs are and to get our needs met. But it’s also important not to make one person responsible for doing that.
Open to a large, more abundant source. That source is God. And God’s supply is the universe. When we look to God and the universe, we open ourselves to a never-ending supply of what we need – love, energy, teaching, support, information, guidance, and nurturing. Certain people and places may help us along our way, but God is our source for love.
Taken from ‘Journey to the Heart’