trying to find some new footing

So since my post last night I have worked out on my bike, went grocery shopping and have started making something for a late lunch.

A walk in the brisk air also helped…I’m trying to clear my mind. Find the balance.

I should first state that I am NOT a chef, my overbearing mother however is, and I honestly don’t have much cooking experience. My idea of dinner is hitting up subway for an oven roasted chicken sandwich lol. I have always WANTED to be good at cooking but a lot of my problem is I *HATE* cleaning up afterwards. I am getting better at it all though.

Right now I have simmering on the stove the beginnings of Apple Cinnamon Butternut Squash soup. This is a daring attempt to step outside my comfort zone and really try and make something from scratch. I am scared it will be an epic fail.

Thankfully my entire apartment smells delicious right now…like fall. I pray the soup tastes as good as it smells. I love butternut squash and apples and cinnamon and it honestly doesn’t call for much apple so I think it might be a nice little hint of the taste and not overpower it.

Everything smell so delicious.

I sat with my emotions as I cut up the butternut squash, as I chopped the onion and the apple. I am at peace right now. I needed a day of crying I think in order to get those emotions out – holding in emotions is where it gets dangerous for me and as scary as it is to FEEL so much all at once it isn’t half as scary as doing something I know I’d regret; like cutting or worse.

Final product



There are a few things I might do differently next time BUT it is actually pretty darn good!! I tastes like fall in a cup πŸ™‚ It’s a little thicker than soup but tastes really great. There is a hint of apple and cinnamon but it pairs so nicely with the butternut squash πŸ™‚


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