…I’m so exhausted that is the BEST post title I could come up with lol. So after the week from hell I am curled up on my couch with my sweet Ruby, sweatpants and The League season 2 on bluray. It’s crazy – I wasn’t sure this phase of exhaustion was even possible. There was no cooking dinner for me – I hit up Little Caesars for pizza and crazy bread 🙂 Looking around my apartment I definitely have my work cut out for me cleaning-wise this weekend lol but for tonight I get to sit back and relax because, frankly, I have more than earned it!

I was also feeling a little creative so I made myself coasters – they are simple yet beautiful. I love them. I will post a pic in a bit. I still need to hot glue the felt to the bottoms so they won’t cut up my tables but I felt the urge to make some more since I had the extra tiles and tons of scrapbook paper. What is so great about this DIY project is that you can make any coasters to go with your decor. Now I don’t have a theme in my apartment – Boho Chic? Artsy? Unique? lol I dunno…I feel like I am all over the place so it’s cool that I can have coasters that sort of go with my mood 🙂



What do you guys think? I love butterflies – I have this crazy obsession with them. J and I are constantly talking about how our recoveries are like that of a butterfly – constantly changing, going through a metamorphosis to something beautiful. It’s actually quite poetic if you think about it. I never used to feel that way but since I have sort of been on this path and journey I enjoy the idea and embrace it. A butterfly was the first thing I really painted when I was researching Art Therapy for a project and ever since then I have just been so drawn to them.

So I am going to post tonight’s daily meditation and my reflections and then I am going to hit the hay.

Develop a sense of the sacred

During my stay in New Mexico, I found myself repeatedly – almost magnetically – drawn to the Ojo Caliente Hot Springs. The grounds weren’t fancy; soaking cost only $8.00. But I felt so safe, healed, spiritually connected when I was there. At times, I felt almost an electric energy coursing through my body when I roamed the grounds. On my third visit, I noticed a small marker hidden on the side of the parking lot and I began to understand my feelings. The ancient spring was actually a Native American sacred site. The energy I felt there was real. I was standing on holy ground.

Develop a sense of the sacred. Develop a sense of what is sacred to you. Allow yourself ot see and feel the holy grounds in your life as you go through your days and years. Many times what we’re going through, what we’re seeing is sacred, but our minds diminish that idea. So much in life is holy, but often we don’t make the connection. Listen to your soul as you experience life. Let yourself connect with what is holy and sacred to you.

Stop chattering for a moment. Be still. Experience. Ask your soul to show you what’s holy. The electric energy will rise through you. Your soul will come to attention. Learn to feel, see, and know the beauty of the journey you’re on.

Develop a sense of the sacred. Where you’re standing is holy ground.

Taken from ‘Journey to the Heart’ by Melody Beattie

This one didn’t really speak to me all that much – but that could be the exhaustion lol. I think the more and more comfortable I feel in my apartment the more and more I find it to be this sacred area that holds so much power and energy. It’s funny and odd I am sure – I never much thought about where I lived as a “sacred” place however, once I actually started living on my own I totally get it. Having a space where you feel safe, comfortable and totally connected is exhilarating and powerful. My entire life I had roommates, even when I lived in New York, and having a space that is all mine…there is just some kind of energy that makes me feel at complete peace when I walk through the door.

Well Ruby is purring all up in my face…I think she wants me off the computer lol and she is right…I can barely keep my eyes open. If anyone wants to know how to make the coasters let me know – SUPER easy. Goodnight all 🙂




exhaustion is my new state of mind

I am still rocking the same migraine I was yesterday….pounding behind my eyes with no relief in sight. When it gets like this at work I have the hardest time being able to manage it because of the florescent lights and constant stress. I have to turn out the lights, I have to put ice on my head…I look like a total freak. I hate the judgments I put on myself when I get like this, it is almost as if I can’t use the skills I have because I am so exhausted, so sore and so overwhelmed.

I had my session with E today, she was worried about all the drinking that I did this past weekend. In the past I have used alcohol as an escape from my depression, used it to curb my social anxiety and all around just used it to numb myself but that hasn’t been the case for a long time. I actually had fun this past weekend, I actually felt like people WANTED to hang out with me but I understood where E was coming from – I may not use it to numb myself but I still need to be careful that I don’t use it as a crutch to get through my social anxiety.

With M still being off – it has been so fuckin’ crazy at work. 3 of us doing the work of 4 (maybe even 5) and we are all starting to lose it a little with stress. JS (I work with a couple J’s and a couple M’s lol) was having a mini breakdown in her office over stress, MM is trying to keep it together and I was falling apart in my office. We are hitting our max and E asked how long I could sustain this and I said a week at the most…It’s just so much. I hadn’t eaten since 6 pm last night! I got up, went to work, had some diet pepsi and that was it. No food. Clocked out for lunch but totally worked through it to feel like I was accomplishing something. I came home, ate some ramen noodles and then have been crying for most of the night in hopes to release my migraine. I finally talked with J a little bit via email…I feel bad I just wish there was more I could do to help.

ugh enough about me…onto tonight’s nightly meditation.

Value your connection to creativity

Creativity is a force – a living, real force. It’s the power of love, the power of life, a gift of the Divine. You’re connected to that force.

Open up your creative powers – in work, in play, in love. Make creations that are beautiful to look at. Make creations you like to see, creations that are pleasing to you. Creativity comes in many forms – cooking, decorating, speaking, drawing, writing, or building a castle in the sand at the beach. How you choose to create is up to you.

“I used to love taking pictures when I was a child,” one man said. “The one day, in a rage, my father smashed my camera to the floor. He told me taking pictures was nonsense. It was twenty years before I let myself take a picture again. Now, I can’t stop.”

Who told you you weren’t creative? Stand tall, speak up, and tell them they’re wrong. Own your creative powers. Allow your creativity to heal and flourish.

Value your connection to creativity. Value the way you choose to express your creative power. It’s your expression of love.

Taken from ‘Journey to the Heart’ by Melody Beattie

I actually really like this meditation. I feel like with art I have found a creative release. I find myself doodling, thinking about new paintings, what I can create….shit…I was supposed to make a coaster for my sister to see if she wants to give them out as favors at her pre wedding celebration (she doesn’t want a “wedding shower” ) and I am seeing her tomorrow…FUCK. Now I can’t go to bed. Okay….letting it go….This will be a chance to work out come creative energy, to try something new.

well I am off to make the coaster…maybe I will share a pic of them later 🙂



They are SUPER simple to make. Now to find out if my sister wants to make like 80 of them as favors LOL. I am sure the design will be different – this was just a sample to see if she would like it and if I could make them 🙂