artistic expression


(2013 – BorderlineMusings)

So this is the piece that I have been working on for the past few days. Be gentle lol but I would love any and all feedback/criticism on what might make it better 🙂 I’ve got SOOOOO much left to do with it but I actually think it has real potential to be awesome. You can’t really see all the tiny tiny details I have spent hours doing but believe me it is there 🙂

I have had a pretty good couple of days – I had group yesterday and there were only 3 of us so again I couldn’t shy away from sharing but this time I didn’t mind it as much and it was okay. I have to admit doing this other group is a great chance to keep practicing the skills and have an outlet to bounce thoughts and ideas off of other people who are similar to myself. Plus it is always nice to see how someone else handles things and see if there is a way to apply what they have done to my own situations (or things to avoid in my own situations). We talked about how I used ‘non judgmental stance’ in the past week and I really had a chance to use it this weekend as I contemplated the possible change with my job and how it was so nice to look at the facts and not let my emotions get in the way – that by being able to do this I was actually able to find the positive in the situation which I never ever would have found 6 months ago.

I think this is the longest time I have gone without falling down the rabbit hole – I tend to have a week or so of “good” days and then I crash and when I crash…I crash HARD. I feel clear, awake and dare I say…alive? Very rare for me and things at work are going okay. My boss checked in with 2 of my co-workers and they said that it was like a 360 – that I am doing amazing (inter-personally) and that they are thrilled that I am finding my balance. It was nice to hear such positive feedback so soon and it also shows me the amount of work that goes into constantly checking myself (and how fucking exhausting it is) is paying off and working. THAT is what makes me happy – that the work I am doing on myself is actually showing some slight results. Now don’t get me wrong I know this won’t be how it ALWAYS is but a part of my journey is instead of worrying about when the crash will be I want to enjoy the good while I can. This is far, far harder than I thought it was going to be when I made the commitment to myself but this outlook I think is helping in my mood (well that and the prozac I am actually remembering to take).

I will also say I have become addicted to Homeland and Breaking Bad (as if I needed another TV show to get into) but Homeland actually shows a character that suffers from a mental illness (bi-polar disorder I believe) and although I haven’t seen enough episodes to know if it is being done in a positive light vs a negative light but I think having mental illness being portrayed is a great step forward and I hope that more and more shows choose to bring mental illness to the forefront and instead of making those who suffer from it out to be “bad guys” or “the crazies” but strong, smart and independent will help begin to eliminate the stigma of mental illness.

Well off to work more on my painting 🙂 Have a wonderful night (or day wherever you are) everyone!